Appartenere a un gruppo o fare branco?
Insegnare ai propri figli a fare gruppo, impararlo noi stessi, perché essere adulti non ci assurge automaticamente alla carica di animali sociali. Non esiste procedura più difficile, implica un ospite troppo scomodo: il compromesso. Compromettere la nostra natura a beneficio degli altri si può fare, non è impossibile. Essere più accondiscendenti, tolleranti, acquisire il dono sacro della pazienza. Qualcuno la chiama “socialità”, io la chiamo “sopravvivenza”.
Quello che sto insegnando a Superboy è la differenza fra “fare gruppo” e “fare branco”. La considero una sfumatura sostanziale, da non sottovalutare mai. Il branco è quello al quale appartieni per non rimanere escluso. Il gruppo è quello al quale appartieni e basta, senza se e senza ma.
E’ nel primo caso che devi usare le tue migliori armi di adattamento: lo fai per sopravvivere, o perché sei molto giovane e di conseguenza spaesato. Ti uniformi a certi comportamenti non perché ti piacciano davvero, ma perché ti allontanano dalla solitudine. E’ soltanto con la maturità che impari a sdoganarti dal branco. E’ allora che ti vesti e ti comporti come meglio ti aggrada, e non come impone la moda del momento. Soltanto dopo un processo più o meno lungo diventi veramente tu, acquisisci una tua individualità, esisti sul serio. Usi il compromesso per non trasformarti del tutto in un misantropo. Nel branco devi purtroppo viverci, volente o nolente. Ti adatti, ma non ne fai davvero parte.
Scatta allora la fase successiva: quella del “fare gruppo”. Collaborare a un progetto comune, uno qualsiasi, che sia anche soltanto scambiarsi conforto e amicizia sincera, vomitare in quel gruppo lacrime che verranno accolte con un’empatia che ti fa bene all’anima, consolare a tua volta, ridere di gusto e far ridere, ma senza inventarti effetti speciali per ottenere chissà cosa. Essere te stesso eppure far parte di un gruppo, sul serio. Sentirsi sdoganato dai giudizi, perché i tuoi compagni sono ovviamente diversi, ma sostanzialmente identici a te. Trovare menti gemelle che senza scavarti troppo nell’anima captano come radar quello che senti. Fare altrettanto, con la massima spontaneità. Senza pretendere nulla in cambio. Appartenere, semplicemente.
Io ho impiegato oltre quarant’anni per sentirmi davvero parte di un gruppo, umanamente e professionalmente. E’ un ufficio virtuale dove teoricamente dovremmo lavorare, è nato su Facebook. I suoi componenti la chiamano amabilmente “la setta”, ma nessuno di noi ha il vezzo di sacrificare vergini innocenti a beneficio di Belzebù. Appartenere a questo gruppo mi consente di mettermi a nudo senza paura, raccontarmi senza filtri, confessare dubbi e perplessità che non conosce neppure mia sorella. Non mi era mai capitato prima. Mai.
E’ un piacevolissimo appuntamento quotidiano che mi arricchisce non solo umanamente, ma anche culturalmente. Non ho mai fatto mistero ai miei compagni che il 90% delle loro citazioni tratte da libri impegnativi/canzoni d’autore/testi di filosofia/fisica quantistica/matematica a livelli soprannaturali sono costretta a guglarle, se no non capisco di che cavolo stanno parlando. Sono cervelloni, loro, io un po’ meno. Non sto dichiarando complessi di inferiorità, badate bene, sto solo dicendo che mi arricchiscono. Punto. Ci sono menti geniali, in questo gruppo, e in quanto tali fanno sentire un po’ geniale persino me.
Noi settaroli ci esprimiamo in una sorta di esperanto impastato di inglese/barese/romanaccio/milanese/abbruzzese/veneto/valdostano/twitterese, riusciamo a seguire cinque o sei conversazioni contemporaneamente, soprattutto quando ci parte l’embolo del cazzeggio serale. Ci aiutiamo, concretamente. Il nostro dovrebbe essere un gruppo di lavoro, in pratica è un circolo di mutuo aiuto dove sbroccare in libertà, condividere gioia, trovare consiglio, incoraggiamento, supporto concreto per realizzare un progetto. Poco importa se è un progetto personale, diventa automaticamente settarolo e quindi collettivo. Ci adottiamo a vicenda, è un qualcosa di strabiliante.
Vorrei poter mettere in chiaro le nostre risate, le intelligenti battute al fulmicotone, i nostri brainstorming lavorativo-caserecci infarciti di meravigliose frallacchere ma anche di considerazioni di una profondità che vi colpirebbe dritta al cuore.
Vorrei farlo, ma per ovvi motivi non posso. La setta bisogna viverla per capirne il funzionamento. Io la vivo, e mi sento una privilegiata per questo. Siamo soltanto in tredici, come gli apostoli più uno. Non ci sono Giuda fra noi. Soltanto in setta mi sento libera di poter sparare perle di poesia quali: “Io non sono un genitore fallace, è mio figlio che è irrimediabilmente stronzo.” Se lo facessi sui social network, o sul mio blog, qualche benpensante allerterebbe i servizi sociali o le alte sfere dell’ Unicef.
Se conosco fisicamente i settaroli? Sì, li conosco. Per me, fortemente radicata all’offline, sarebbe quasi inconcepibile il contrario. Ne ho abbracciati di persona la maggior parte, persino quelli espatriati in terra straniera; tutte le strade portano a Roma, viva Dio, e pure a Milano. Non considero Facebook come una componente essenziale della mia esistenza, però ha rappresentato uno strumento per regalarmene un’altra parallela, particolare, preziosa. E’una vita che mescola virtuale e reale, in tante occasioni, decisamente più frequenti di quanto possiate immaginare.
Grazie alla setta ho smesso di fare parte di un branco dove per oltre un anno ho pensato di giocare da titolare, invece sudavo come una pazza e scalciavo generosi assist a chi si prendeva il merito dei miei goal.
Ho iniziato a far parte di un gruppo il 6 giugno del 2012. Domani pretendo gli auguri di felice anniversario da QUELI. Loro capiranno.
Questo post partecipa al blogstorming Tema del mese: fare gruppo. Appartenere.
Vi segnalo le incomparabili riflessioni di Marzia de L’ascia sull’uscio su questo argomento. Leggetele qui , il suo post è imperdibile.
Cioè, sei stata il mio regalo di compleanno settarolo anticipato. Mica me n’ ero accorta, grazie per avermelo ricordato.
Voi siete il mio regalo quotidiano.
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Hon är inget jävla barn. Hon är vuxen även om hon beter sig som 12-åring. Och jag vet inte vad du lär dina barn men att ljuga om allt och alla är fan inte okej oavsett om man är 12 eller 18, att skylla på åldern är bara larvigt.
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So “slaughtered” is an unbiased neutral word? Why do we continue to make excuses for incompetence, apathy, and outright lies? Why do we use “alledgedly” when there are witnesses to someone shooting several people in a courtroom Atlanta GA?I guess all those reports of alien abductions must be accurate reporting and newsworthy since “they say” it happened…Give me a break. Make people accountable and quit coddling them.
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What an interesting way to use self (or wife) promotion to get a job. I think many Millennials want a quality job but don’t know the means of finding them and haven’t acquired the skills to get past recruiters. If employers are interested in attracting Millennials, particularly the ones you mentioned in the survey, they need to make their job descriptions clearer and promote them where Millennials hang — through social media channels.
Irene – You look fantastic Katie. So does Bruno. What does he think about it all. Good luck To both you and James. Love Aunty Irene
you. You are "AWAKE". I think many birthers here fail to realize the tremendous lack of INTEGRITY in themselves and in our movement that is projected when they fail to recognize Orly as the "Real Deal". It is our "Greatest Weakness".And the Bots just LOVE IT..!
I use the newest Android in Ottawa, and I don't have access to Google Shopping through Barcode Scanner and it's a real drag. Would love to see this application work over here. Gasbuddy app is already in effect here.
Wanted to drop a comment and let you know your Feed is not functioning today. I tried adding it to my Yahoo reader account but got absolutely nothing.
hmmm. this alliance wont work.. it is time for young and active technocrats to move into politics before PDP and corrupted antics finish with our country
My cats rarely throw-up, so I’m lucky in that way, but they do enjoy chewing through every expensive cord I own and breaking heirloom crystal wine glasses, so there’s that.
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acula: Der Fire ist keine echte Alternative zum Lesen. Als Tablet für Spiele, Comics und Filme sicherlich gut, aber für ein reines Lesedisplay geht nichts über E-Ink. Also, wenn Du schon alles machen willst, dann lieber einen ebook-Reader UND ein Tablet …
9:50 AM – I haven't read the actual proposal – could you please post a link or summarise where national law is to be taken into account? My concern is that, at the moment, national infringement laws are largely based on the CPC (at least to my knowledge). However, this has not stopped different EU countries adopting completely different approaches to infringement, even when they both take the same document (the CPC) as their basis, e.g. UK purposive contruction vs. German doctrine of equivalents. Does the latest EU proposal deal with these differences in approach? The UPC agreement (from memory) does not.
guitou: if you mention the tapir one more time, I will have to bring my whips to bear and punish you severely. I’m still grieving you know.Zeph: please don’t encourage those frenchies with mention of Verlaine. I think I’ll assume you were referring to Tom of that ilk – that’ll keep them at bay for a while. Have you all seen DocShoot’s T-shirt logo?Not sure it would go down a treat in the mean streets of Elgin, but I’ll give it a go!
Jesus, I'm not going to be able to watch the show anymore. Everytime my little sister turns it on I'm just gonna think: "Freudian!Fish is watching you sleep…"
Thank you very much for getting back to me on this Daisy.. I was not sure if it was used to hold down the butter cream.. and nothing would slide off…thanks again..Andy
Thank you for touching on this! I went to ONE LLL meeting, 8 years ago and haven't been back since. I, too, am a huge supporter of breastfeeding and breastfeeding education. I have offered advice, support and a shoulder to anyone that has asked but never once have I pushed my views, information or "advice" on someone. Being pushy turns people off- it's human nature. [ .fqkj{position:absolute;clip:rect(445px,auto,auto,488px);}approval ]
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Bella questa contrapposizione gruppo-branco, davvero utile come messaggio per i ragazzi perchè spesso la differenza la realizziamo solo a caro prezzo.
Poter contare sul gruppo è una benedizione, il vostro poi sembra proprio il massimo … buon complegruppo dunque!
Sì, Marzia. E’ davvero un gruppo il nostro. Grazie per la visita.
Ah, i see. Well tha’ts not too tricky at all!”
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Ciao Cecile, sei molto bella in queste foto e che bei colori autunnali che hai scelto. Auguri per i tuoi 10 anni… Io 10 anni fa ero a studiare ad Urbino, niente bici per via di quelle ripide salite, ma sempre mazzolini di fiori freschi da portare a casa. E poi dal lì Napoli, poi Milano… forse mi piacerebbe spostarmi ancora…
May 15, 2012 at 4:45 pmSrini – it’s virtually impossible to live without a script – everyone from society to our friends have been trying to get us to live a script our whole lives! The idea of throwing out the script is pretty radical and revolutionary! Ditching the script is more than nervousness. It’s terrifying:) but as you mention, the rewards are limitless possibilities. Reply
Wow!! I totally agree with you. My cousins are going to graduate with Computer Engineering next year. They could not even found an internship. They have a huge loan.I myself is still struggling to find a job in IT. Thanks god, I started landing my first job in a government sector(only US Citizen)We sit and complain our experience but can’t do anything.When you stand near the office of Bank of America in NY, you feel like you are in India.
Imi plac primele doua fraze. Mai auzisem de carte inainte, si coperta si titlul sunt dragute. Dar, mi se pare mie, sau tipul de pe coperta seamana cu Elvis?!
All you right-wing ideologues parrot the same crap!!!! Revisionists… Keep pushing and you'll get what you don't want. The middleclass will revolt against you B's and the ELITE's you pimp for. John C.
Stelle grad fest, dass ich gewaltige Probleme mit der neuen Version hab. Kaum ein Werkzug funktioniert… Muss mal gucken ob das an der neuen X11 Version liegt.
علی می‌گه:من زیر نویس ÙÂیلمaprilshowers رو میخام خواهش میکنم اگه لینکی برای دانلود زیرنویس دارید اعلام کنید .با تشکر[]
Michael,Thanks for the correction on the Ann Richard’s statement! It’s been too long and my mind has warped since 2000.I do think that George is going to lose on this one — or the GOP will.
Y si el que me cuenta el desastre se rÃe tras la exposición, ¿será que no es tal el desastre? ¿será que me meten el miedo en el cuerpo para cortarme las alas? ¿les da miedo mi libertad?El desastre existe, lo sé, lo palpo, lo huelo, lo veo… pero también el miedo a la libertad, jamás convino al poder la libertad del pueblo.Un abrazo Lavela.
I absolutely loved episode 2 better than the premiere. The premiere was just all over the place. I'm really looking forward to what comes next. The only story line that I really hate is hotshot. I just can't stand it.
Je te dis bravo, tes photos sont toujours magnifiques! J’aime bien cette photo en noir et blanc et le côté mystérieux qu’il s’en dégage. On dirait que quelque chose va se produire!Le mot de passe cette fois est un prénom que j’adore! 🙂 ^^
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Fudzijane, jestli tohle myslÃte vážnÄ›, tak ste podle mÄ› blázen. Krtek atd. tady je jen proto, aby to tu zniÄil a rozbil, o tom svÄ›dÄà jeho neustálé pastovánà tun balastu, vůbec nesouvisejÃcÃho s původnÃm tématem diskuse. Jak se z tohohle dá pouÄit? A Å™eÄi o cenzuÅ™e a slabosti jsou také hodnÄ› mimo mÃsu, je to asi jako kdyby vám nÄ›kdo poÅ¡tovnà schránku zahlcoval dennÄ› stovkami nesmyslných letáků a vy jste bránil policii v pátránà po tomto ÄlovÄ›ku s odkazem na cenzuru jeho svobodného projevu…
pourrie, Hop Juan-Martin, ahahahaha le gag!!! Ca faisait longtemps que tu nous avais pas sorti une telle plaisanterie!Et bien que je n’aime pas forcément Simon, là forcément, Hop Gilles!!!!
Davvero un bellissimo post, grazie fai riflettere 🙂 buon complegruppo 🙂
Grazie a te, Starsdancer, per avermi letta.
So true. Honesty and everything reizngcoed.
Define “futile”. You know what makes something truly futile? Saying that it’s futile before making the attempt. Go get a guy – a GUY. Be bold. Break the seemingly intractable skein of mediocrity with bold and decisive action – not working within the margins that have constrained any effort at change since World War II.
revanche: I hate when I recall something I read, can picture it but can’t find it!I do have a small emergency fund but that’s it. You have a catastrophe fund, short term savings and long term. And a paycheck cushion!I’ll tell ya my story…what all would you like to know? (and this is why I am a reader and not a blogger!)
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Wonderful first blog Moriah – lovely to see you trusting the process. Let your light shine brightly trail blazer … lead the way for others to follow. Sending you warm hugs ((( x )))
Buggy Prof.,One cannot help but observe that as a self ascribed independent, you seem to spend a great deal of time proselytizing on behalf of the Democrats. Perhaps, one should also consider the flip side of the coin.Personally, I doubt whether the presence of politicians democratic or republican makes much impact on the business cycle outside of establishing rule of law, property rights and a relatively stable regulatory structure. I sincerely doubt that the economy is affected by the president’s views on where life begins.
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DD: I approve of the word “espouse” in your last comment. (E-Spouse = being married to the Internet? Which we clearly are. Not just the long-post writers but also the persistent anonymous commenters who somehow manage to find time for this in between the changing nappies/burping.)P.S. I’d like to think I’m an accident, unfortunately the parents confirm I was planned. They only sometimes regret it.
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I would love the “Honoring Our Cycles” book! (The other two sound fabulous as well!) Although somewhat familiar with NFP, this book sounds like it goes beyond that. I love the idea of “honoring”, not just “tolerating” our womanly cycles! Thanks for the great giveaway!!!!
What has happened to the Google opening page search function?Suddenly when trying to type in a search it quickly defaults to a less user-friendly version which does not allow the user to see what he/she is typing.This is definitely a disservice to Google users. It just happened int he past week.Any chance we can revert back to the way it was?
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The perfect salad for a day like that! I can sympathize for sure. I know we are supposed to be used to the 100+ degrees, but it was a consistent 114-116 for over a week and let me tell you, you never get use to that!! The year I moved out here it reached 120 at the airport… the weatherman actually DID fried an egg on the pavement!!
An inlgetilent answer – no BS – which makes a pleasant change
“The price range annoyance is being fixed. It’s a feature that has been in dire need of for ages, as before the update if you have a product in a variation listing that ranges from £9.99 to £129.99 the highest price is being shown to buyers.In this update we’ll be seeing “£9.99 – £129.99″ instead, much better, yay.”Does anyone have an update on when eBay are likely to fix the variation price issue? Any word Matt?
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Miksi suurin osa väestöstä ei huomioi seksisuhteiden määrää laskiessa muuta kuin ne partnerit joiden kanssa on ollut yhdynnässsä?Yhdyntähän on vain pieni osa seksiä.Nainen jolla on ollut seksisuhteita vain naisten kanssa ,ei (yllä mainitun käsityksen mukaan) harrasta seksiä kenenkään kanssa!Palataanpa itse kysymykseen.Minulla on ollut miespuolisia seksikumppaneita 6, joista yhdynnässä 4 kanssa ja naisia 2.Kunnioitetaan toinen toisiamme, myös seksinkin jälkeen!
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Starting line-up confirmed is – 1 Petr Cech35 Juliano Belletti33 Alex6 Ricardo Carvalho18 Wayne Bridge5 Michael Essien4 Claude Makelele8 Frank Lampard (c)10 Joe Cole15 Didier Drogba15 Florent MaloudaSubstitutes: 23 Carlo Cudicini, 22 Tal Ben-Haim, 12 John Mikel Obi, 24 Shaun Wright-Phillips, 21 Salomon Kalou, 14 Claudio Pizarro, 7 Andriy Shevchenko. In other news, QPR loan Sinclair! Suppose it’s good for him, but would’ve preferred he stayed and played every now and again. But good luck to him.Anyways, a minute outside kickoff here. Up the Chels!
You were not at the recent Move over Aipac conference? At the Flash Mob event at Union Station?Must be getting you confused…but you sure look very similar
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I love autumn too. Right now here it is still shorts weather – it was 92 degrees today…but I love it when the leaves start to change etc. To me, it should start when the kids go back to school etc….but it always seems so much later here. Still a Brit weather wise at heart I guess!
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I like to check my e-mail after I wake up in the afternoon, then sign in to Y!A and take a survey of the questions I answered that are Resolved or In Voting, then check out the Gender & Women’s Studies forum, where I report users who like to clone and insult others. It gives me strength knowing that I accomplish more in my life by tanning outside for a half hour or taking the bus to the grocery store than most trolls accomplish in a week.
infatti era un refuso, dovevo scrivere “non è molto più vicino al territorio la provincia rispetto alla regione?†(ho prontamente corretto, grazie)Condivido tutte le tue considerazioni in merito al bacino sociale-economico-etc…
It seems that the Chrome to Mobile extension (https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/chrome-to-mobile/idknbmbdnapjicclomlijcgfpikmndhd) has recently been integrated into Chrome, though I didn't notice it until this update. I uninstalled the extension and still have (seemingly) the same functionality from the Action Box button (the "+" at the end of the omnibox) using the "Send this page to your mobile device" command. Cool!
I can do without the cell phone, too, Deb. I’ve had one for years, but rarely use it. I usually forget it on my desk. Mostly I got it so that the darling daughter can use a local number to call me when she wants to.
Hiiii, Saw your amazinf work on line and wanted to see if it is possible to make an appointment for senior photos still this month? So made I missed your groupon offer…it’s what led me to your site, then I procrastinated. Regards, Maria Poehailos, CT mom with big girl senior:( Sent from my iPhone
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Me encanta lo que cuentas sobre la madre de Camus, del que lo ignoro todo. A veces, es tan difÃcil advertir lo cotidiano, lo discreto, por ello celebro ese adjetivo, "radiante", que le dedicas.
Alex:Ã’þт øüõýý — ôõýõó ø÷ òþ÷ôухð ýõ ñыòðõт, ýþ òÑÂõ фðúты ÿþúð÷ыòðют, чтþ øüýýþ ø÷ òþ÷ôухð þýø ø òþ÷ýøúðют(Ѡýõ ÿрþ ÃÂœÃÂœÃÂœ) ôþûûðры ÿõчðтðютÑÂѠø÷ òþ÷ôухð! ÃÂœÃÂœÃÂœ — ÿøрðüøôð, ôþûûðр — ÿøрðüøôð, руñûь — ÿøрðüøôð, фþýôы ø ÑÂтрðхþòыõ úþüÿðýøø — ÿøрðüøôð. ÕôøýÑÂтòõýýðѠø÷ òÑÂõх ÿõрõчøÑÂûõýýых ÿøрðüøô, úþтþрðѠрðñþтðõт òþ ñûðóþ чõûþòõúð, ð ýõ ýðþñþрþт — ÑÂтþ ÃÂœÃÂœÃÂœ. тðú чтþ ýõ ýðôþ ÃȄÂÃȄÂ.
Mano, minha felicidade é muito grande por ver você surpreendendo tanta gente, pois em Deus tudo podes, e isso é fato. Parabens por seu sucesso e que Deus continue te abençoando e inspirando nas suas canções, um forte abraço.
He may be the leader of the free world, but he still takes a moment to tuck his wife in at bedtime. ….“We have a ritual where he tucks me in, because I’m usually in bed before anybody,” the First Lady spilled. “He’ll come and turn the lights out and give me a kiss, and we’ll talk. He’s like, Ready to be tucked? I’m like, Yes I am.’”
Thank you Chris. I look forward to my Facebook news feed becoming usable again. One additional point that should probably be made clear is that you have to be logged in to your Facebook account to see the block button.
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